Architect cover letter template anyone?

Architect cover letter template anyone?

With overwhelmingly large number of unemployed architects here in the U.S. seeking positions that pay far  less than their qualifications, some of the industry heads have become primadonnas...

Some, after months of strides, have lost hope, felt defeated, feeling  that it will be pointless writing pretentious and politically -correct cover letters anymore.  At this point, I say the best thing  one could do is be honest, write another, but this time try to give those schmucks a piece of you (whatever is left of it  anyway)

I have read this on some architectural blog site. This rant template, is too hilarious to ignore...

"Dear Hiring Manager,

Clearly the subject line of this email indicates that I am one of hundreds of applicants interested in the low-paying position you currently are hiring for. I know you know this because this is probably the only part of my application package you can read on your iPhone. So before we move much further in this process, I am going to demand that you have the decency to review my resume and work samples on a screen that is at least larger than your venti latte and preferably something as large as your misinformed ego. 

See, the thing is, I spent hours laboring over this application package, ensuring the graphic design was attractive but not flashy, the typography selections were unique but not obnoxious and the balance between visual content and written content was both visually appealing and provided a sufficient amount of information. It was designed to be read - explored - savored - and above all tell a convincing and compelling narrative about my experience and viewpoint as an architect. Condensing this down to a 2" screen has now made all of that effort look like a digital Monet painting, rendering the subtle use of varying weights of line and type totally illegible. 

Let me ask you this Hiring Manager: Would you watch porn on your iPhone? Do you think that 2" screen would really allow you to enjoy every detail, every carefully chosen "money shot", every exorbitant facial contortion, every bead of delicious sweat to the full and utmost potential? It might get the job done but it's really not going to provide the whole lusty experience the way a 30" wide monitor (or projection!) could. 

So Hiring Manager, are you looking to just get the job done? Well then, proceed with your iPhone and hire that candidate whose 14pt Arial nightmare that is legible on your iPhone screen, but don't come complaining to me in a month when Mr. New Hire just follows the same routine, flopping around like a fish out of water, and never spices things up around the office. If however, you are interested in a candidate that knows that in some instances, size really does matter, give me a call. First minute is free, $2.99 per minute after.